The Vortex.
From the moment I’ve asked you on the Quiz about the topic of today until today, honestly I am still confused. So I have decided to write about fantasy and dreams on another occasion and I will simply describe in a few words how I felt in the past weeks. I never talked to you about personal storms.
You are used to see me strong, determined, happy and positive and I never tell you about the overthinking, the struggle I internally feel every time I step out from my comfort zone. You see…somehow I consider myself a privileged, loved person because I have always succeeded in life almost everything I have wished for. Why or how? I have no idea, but I feel like I am very strong when it comes to manifestation. I close my eyes and when I think of something I feel like those characters in the movies that make a wish and then it happens. I always feel in advance the changes that I am about to make. I felt them as a child and now I only learned to recognised them better. The same happens with the less good parts, I feel certain situations long before they start to occur. I know it sounds stupid but it is is like that.
So, while many of you enjoyed I hope at your best the holidays for me the past weeks have been particularly challenging, a period of deep introspection ( honestly not searched or required, I rather felt it like a pulling force from nowhere), mental closure and physical exhaustion, fear and a lot of “what if”’s. And all this time the only thing I craved was to be safe and assured that everything is going to be ok. There’s definitely a side of us, women,that we carefully keep guarded and protected, not because we want to, but because we learned to defend ourselves against an eventual attempt to ruin our so well deserved balance. I feel vulnerable too but because I am so used to being strong all the time I don’t allow myself to stay too much in that state. I soak in pain or worries but the next morning I am a dragon. It’s a mandatory process that requires acceptance and not resistance.
Anyway,I have no idea why I felt so deeply about those changes, somehow I believe that these are the required tools for growth. This time everything was different and it lasted more than I wished it would. I took my time to balance my future, what I want to do, my life’s choices, I took risks. I stepped out from my comfort zone and put my passion to work with no certainty but the one that I love what I do and I choose to dream big and trust the people who believe and support me unconditionally.
You have no other option but to accept the process in order to achieve your goal in life. And with that you may find yourself in the position to give up old habits, ways of thinking, reinvent yourself, surround yourself with new people , and learn things from scratch…because it triggers everything you thought you knew, It throws you in situations that force you to learn to do things from scratch.
With the certainty that everything aligned at the right moment and there was no need to put up resistance I threw myself in the Unknown. In the end what do I have to lose? I told my mom about this need to change and I am feeling she was like : “ You’re in the crisis of 40’s “ and I didn’t argue with that cause she definitely has more experience ahead. I don’t know what to call it, the only thing I know is that I feel that my life is changing in a big way.
And I must say that I feel as if I was in a washing machine at 1000 rotations/ min. Yes, changes drive me crazy since I’m a Capricorn and I have a strong sense for security and balance yet at the same time I am perfectly aware that to climb the mountain I need to face the painful, triggering process. So no matter how foggy and uncertain a situation might be it’s in my DNA to move forward. Yes I have moments when I am full of questions, yes I am sometimes disappointed because I wish I could do things differently and I argue ( most of the time with myself, the rest of the time with my loved ones) but I still move forward. I mean is there any other way for the crazy, restless, hopeless romantic individuals like me???
I think not.
